


No One's Gonna Love You

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-09-10
Packaged: 2018-04-20 00:18:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4766396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fenris, both dependent on and terrified of his relationship with Hawke, finds himself falling in love with a non-Warden Tabris, who lives as a refugee in Kirkwall. When Hawke threatens both of them, they try to find a way to be together. But what they feel cannot stay a secret forever.</p><p>Written for a kink-meme prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> According to AO3, today is my one year anniversary with all of you lovely people. Thank you for making me feel all so warm and fuzzy over here! D'aw.
> 
> Now that I've got everything from FF up, I'm working 50+ hours a week and my original fics are taking up more time, there will probably be less output. But I did manage to finish this one for you guys. Happy anniversary to our weird internet writing exchange program :D

**CW: Abuse, Dub-con  
Hawke and Fenris do not have a healthy relationship. There is no physical beating, there is no non-con. But heads up. **

Fenris waited at the doors of the Viscount's office. He shifted his stance, as his feet began to tire. He could hear Hawke's voice through the doors. Firm, strong. She had no need of him at that moment, but it was his duty to her to stay alert. It was not rare for him to intervene when Hawke had angered the wrong person. 

When she finally came through the doors, he followed her.

"We'll be going to the Chantry," she said. "I need to speak to Mother Elthina. I may be awhile with Sebastian after. If I decide to extend the visit, I will let you know."

Fenris nodded. "Yes, Hawke."

"The Viscount is a fool," she muttered. "He does not take these threats seriously. The Qunari should have long been driven from the port. If he does not start displaying strong leadership soon, there will be civil war and those barbarians will slit our throats in our sleep. It would be best if he were thrown out of office. Soon."

Fenris knew not to reply. Even if he admired the Arishok, Hawke would not listen. 

They reached the Chantry and Hawke motioned for him to wait. She went ahead and talked to the Mother, who watched Hawke fearfully as she ordered her. Hawke went off to talk to Sebastian, her hand lingering on his hip, her laugh in the air.

He waited for nearly an hour before she returned, a smirk on her lips.

"Let us go then," she said. "I'll retire to the Estate."

Fenris walked by her side, eyeing the crowds as they made their way through Hightown. When they reached the Estate, she led him inside, bringing him into her private study. He sat down and she brought over a bottle of wine. She sat in his lap and drank straight from the bottle. She handed it to him.

He drank slowly while she stroked his face. He put the bottle down. She kissed his fingers and he gently pushed her away.

"We shouldn't," he murmured, not for the first time.

"I could have any man I wanted in Thedas," she whispered in his ear. "Any man would be thrilled to bed me...but I want you, Fenris."

"And Sebastian?" Fenris asked. 

"An alliance between our houses would suit us both. He's not meant for the cloth, we both know that. He is certainly attractive, I will admit that." 

"Hawke-"

"I just want to protect you," she said softly. "If they respect and fear me, they will respect and fear you. You will be safe, no one will touch you."

He drank from the bottle again, the lyrium in his body burning and aching. She kissed him and he touched her face.

"I should go," he said quietly.

"How long will we play this game?" Hawke demanded. "If you are so sick of my company, maybe you no longer should be in it. Would you like that, Fenris? Be truly your own free man? Vulnerable? Alone? I can give you whatever you want, whatever you desire. I know you want me too..."

Her hand brushed against his hardening cock. He groaned slightly before pushing her away again. She kissed him hard and he kissed her back, grabbing at her hips. His body ached, the pain growing worse. He let go of her and caught his breath. 

"You and I are meant to be together," she whispered. "One day, you'll realize that. You need me."

Fenris left the room, his heart racing. She followed, standing from afar while he adjusted his clothes. He put his hand on the doorknob and looked back at her.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he promised. 

"Tomorrow," she echoed. 

***

Fenris entered his home with a tired groan. He stumbled around to find a candle in order to make his way to his bedroom. In the dim light, he managed to get to the staircase with only stubbing one of his toes. 

He only made it a few steps before he heard the crack. He stayed still, hearing light footsteps. He went up slowly, keeping his hand on his sword. 

"Danarius," he growled. "If you are here, show yourself!"

When there was no reply, he ran up the stairs and slammed open the door to the bedroom. He held out his sword, surprised to see a small elven woman standing before him. She lowered a satchel slowly and put her hands in the air.

Fenris frowned. "How did you get in here?"

She said sheepishly, "I picked the lock."

"I have seven locks," Fenris said angrily, "made by the finest craftsmen in all of Antiva. In the three years I have lived here, I have never had one broken. And you are telling me you are simply a thief?"

She pulled her tools out of her pocket and tossed them on the ground.

"Sorry," she apologized. "If I knew an elf lived here, I would never have broken in. Just please don't turn me in. Everything I took is in that bag, I swear. And not much, really. You really didn't have much to steal-sorry, not the time."

Fenris sheathed his sword and examined the intruder. She was in her early twenties, perhaps a little older. Long black hair, light brown skin, deep green eyes. 

"You're from Ferelden," he said quietly.

She nodded. "Denerim."

He walked closer and she stepped back.

"My Dad is sick," she explained quickly. "I've been able to make ends meet since we got here, but now he can't work and I needed to get enough coin to get a healer."

"There's a mage in Darktown-"

"I know," she sighed, "but Dad doesn't trust him. It's...it's a long story, but neither of us are particularly comfortable around mages offering help for free." 

Fenris shook his head. "The man has his faults...many faults, but he will not take advantage of a poor, sick elf."

"You know him?"

"Sadly. We have mutual friends." 

She said nervously, "Would you...Maker...would you go with me?"

Fenris laughed in surprise, "What?"

"If you say it's safe, then I'll believe you. But I need to know that my father is safe in that man's hands and I need to know I can get him out if I need to. I'll pay you, with my coin, not yours, obviously."

"What makes you think you can believe me?" Fenris asked.

"A man with seven locks isn't looking for privacy, he's looking for protection," she said quietly, her hands still in the air. "And you didn't kill me or immediately take me to the guard-"

"Which I could still do."

"Which you could still do."

Her hands trembled in the air. She was wearing two daggers, hidden just beneath her belt. But she didn't reach for them. 

"Where is your father?" He asked.

She said, "Back in the Alienage. My cousin is staying with him. I know a tunnel not far from here. Bless you."

Fenris followed her out the back of the mansion. He barely could keep up with her as she sprinted down the streets. She only let up when they arrived in Lowtown. She led Fenris into a hovel off of a side street, lighting a candle. 

The shack was tiny, with nothing to separate any of the rooms. An older elven man lay sleeping on a cot, a red-headed elven woman laying on the bed beside him. She looked up fearfully.

"Who is-"

"He's come to help us, Shianni" the thief promised. 

"I am Fenris," he introduced.

The thief smiled. "Fenris is going to help me carry him. Will Alarith be back soon? Will you be alright on your own?"

"I'll be fine," Shianni promised. "Go."

Fenris went to the bed and brought the man into his arms. The elf groaned in his feverish sleep. His daughter kissed his forehead and whispered something softly to him. Fenris led them out of the shack, the thief walking by his side, her hands on her daggers.

When they reached the passageway, she stopped, shivering. He looked back at her.

"Let us go, thief," he called out. 

"I do not like Darktown," she said nervously.

"You are safe with me," he promised. "Keep moving."

Fenris led them through the passageways, keeping the woman in his sight. He led her to the entrance and eased her father to his feet. She held him upright as Fenris banged his fist on the door.

"Abomination!" He called out. "I need your aid!"

After a few moments, Anders said through the door, "If you got into another street fight, you can go see another healer. I'm tired of you showing up in the middle of-"

The thief interrupted, "My father is sick. Please, I need your help."

Slowly the door unlocked and the mage let the three of them inside. Anders looked at Fenris briefly with surprise before helping the father to a stretcher. To his word, Fenris remained beside the elf as Anders treated him. The woman stood beside him, her hands still on her weapons.

After a time, Anders looked up at the two of them tiredly. "He's growing stable but his fever is still too high. He'll have to stay overnight. I'll give him some medicine that will hopefully lower it, but I'll have to monitor him."

"I'm not leaving him here," she demanded, "I'm not leaving him-"

"I will stay here," Fenris promised, putting his hand on her shoulder. "He will not come to harm."

The thief glanced at him. "And I will as well."

"Great," Anders yawned, returning with a white vial. "We'll just have a sleepover. If you're both here, you can keep an eye on him while I get some rest. Wake me up if his breathing changes."

Anders left the room, handing the medicine to her. The thief tucked the blankets around her feverish father and helped him sit up enough to drink the potion. He lay back down, sighing peacefully. She sat on the next cot and held his hand. 

"Sit with me?" She asked Fenris. 

Fenris did so hesitantly. She did not touch him and he relaxed slightly. 

"He...he will be alright," Fenris tried to reassure.

She said softly, "I don't know. I've brought him all this way to keep him safe, only for him to die in some rat infested hole underground. He was so well...this just came out of nowhere. If something happens to him...I mean, Alarith has a bit of coin, but with Shianni and the baby coming, I just can't-"

Fenris said, "If you practice the actual stealing part of burglary, thief, you will be more than capable of taking care of yourself." 

To his surprise, she laughed. 

"My name is Tabris, by the way," she said. "Aria Tabris, but no one calls me by my first name. I'm not entirely sure why. Though I think I like thief. It makes me sound much more impressive than I am."

Fenris smirked. "I'm going to rest then, thief. Wake me if you have need of me."

Fenris lay on the third cot, closing his eyes in exhaustion. He could hear Tabris murmuring something to her father as he fell asleep. 

He woke, hearing Anders walking around the clinic. He sat up slowly, seeing the mage attend to the elven man. He looked up at Fenris briefly before going back to work.

"He'll live," Anders said. "He's surprisingly tough for a man his age. Your little girlfriend's been up most of the night with him. You might want to take her home to get some sleep."

Fenris rolled his eyes. "She'll survive. I should go. Hawke will need me. Make sure you don't kill him off, mage."

Fenris glanced over, seeing Tabris sleeping deeply beside her father. Even in her dreams, her hand remained close to him, ready to protect him in an instant. He couldn't help but smirk. 

***

"Where have you been?" Hawke demanded.

Fenris looked up the stairs to see Hawke descending them quickly, her robes fluttering around her. Her bright blue eyes pierced through him, chilling him.

"My apologies," he said quietly. "There was an...incident." 

"I was worried sick," she said softer, reaching his side. She touched his arm, the familiar ache in his skin following the pressure. 

"I had a burglar," Fenris chuckled.

"I imagine you dispatched him quickly," Hawke replied, leading them towards the study. 

Fenris was about to tell her the story, but had a sudden pang of doubt. Even if the girl had been harmless, would Hawke still seek her out? 

"Yes, I did," he lied. 

***

When he had safely returned Hawke to her home the next night, he couldn't help but think of Tabris. Fenris found himself walking into Lowtown and into the Alienage. He hesitated when he reached the threshold of the house. 

Finally, he knocked.

Shianni opened the door and grinned when she saw him. "Cousin, he's back."

Tabris went forward and greeted him. Fenris couldn't get a word in before she led him inside. He found himself plunked down at the kitchen table.

"We've just started dinner," Tabris said. "A nice good Ferelden stew. We've got plenty. I noticed you didn't have much of a larder at your house. Do you just live off those bottles of wine or do you eat out a lot?"

Fenris was unsure how to reply as Shianni sat down beside him. An elven man sat across from her. Tabris ran a bowl of the stew over to Cyrion, who was lying in bed. She propped him up with a few pillows and handed him his dinner.

"Let it cool, Papa," she said softly.

Tabris returned to the table as Shianni served Fenris. He saw the slight swelling of her belly now. It surprised him that he had missed it before. 

"This is my husband Alarith," Shianni said, gesturing to the other man. Alarith shook Fenris' hand, who once again tried to speak.

They bowed their heads in quick prayer and Fenris sat awkwardly. Tabris then broke pieces of bread and passed it around. The two women talked rapidly about their days, leaving Fenris to eat quietly. The food was simple, but rich in flavours. He had north Ferelden food before, but this was something special. 

Alarith grinned, seeing his expression. "I had the same dopey smile when Shianni cooked for me for the first time. She's amazing, isn't she?"

Shianni waved him off, blushing slightly.

"So, Fenris," Alarith said. "What do you do?"

Fenris suddenly felt everyone in the room looking at him.

"I'm a bodyguard," he said. 

"To Serah Hawke," Tabris added in. "Anders told me all about it. She's quite influential in the city, part of the Amell family. They apparently have a lot of money."

"You picked a poor mark," Shianni said.

"I wanted the house next over," Tabris admitted. "I got lost. I don't know my way around Hightown."

"Even poorer a thief than I thought," Fenris teased.

Tabris grinned. "It worked out better for me this way."

"Hightown? It's nice to see an elf not relegated to the Alienage," Alarith said. 

"You make it sound like a bad thing," Shianni grumbled. "What's wrong with community?" 

"I was just trying to-"

Fenris interrupted, "The house is not mine. It is...a long story, I suppose. One for another time. I do not spend much time with other elves. Serah Hawke keeps company with few and I follow her much of my time."

"She is a beautiful woman," Tabris commented quietly.

Fenris replied uncomfortably, "Many think so, yes."

They both looked over, seeing Alarith and Shianni bickering still. Shianni ran up the stairs crying, Alarith running after her.

"Ignore them," Tabris said. "This is generally what happens at least once a week since she got pregnant. They fight, then they make mad passionate love all night. It's really awkward."

Cyrion chuckled from across the room. He was still working on his food, slowly.

"Perhaps your young man should go then," he commented, "before we embarrass him further. Be a good hostess and walk him out, little one."

Fenris started helping her clear the table when they heard the first heavy sigh. They both looked up at the ceiling. Tabris walked him outside, giggling. She closed the door behind them.

"Sorry about that," she said. "Thank you for coming over...it's really nice seeing you when you're not threatening to kill me or my father is close to dying."

"He's alright?" Fenris asked.

Tabris nodded. "He'll be fine. Kirkwall has been tough on him. He'll be back to work soon and that will make him happy. Anders is going to continue seeing him. He apparently picked up some parasite-well, you don't want to know all about that."

Fenris recalled, "I've seen him before. He is a manservant for the deLauncets."

"They're strange, aren't they?" Tabris laughed. "Nearly killed him working for Orleasians, but we do what we have to do."

"Will...will you be alright for money?" Fenris asked.

"If you're offering me yours, I already know you don't have any," she reminded.

"Serah Hawke keeps a few companions close with certain skill sets," he explained. "Someone with your dexterity might be quite valuable to her."

Tabris raised an eyebrow. "You said she doesn't like elves."

"I said she keeps company with few."

"Same thing," Tabris said. "I mean, you're clearly an exception because...well, you know. The tall, broody, handsome, growly thing you've got going for you."

Fenris scowled, "Do you want me to talk to her or-"

"Yes, please," Tabris said.

"Good," he said. "Then I'll see you tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

Tabris stood as if waiting for a military inspection. Hawke walked around her, glancing up her form.

"Why did you leave Denerim?" She asked.

"After the slavers nearly wiped out the Alienage, we decided to flee. We were in Ostwick first, but then made our way here."

"But you are a wanted woman in Denerim, are you not?"

Tabris admitted, "Yes. I killed a noble man. He assaulted-"

"I already know the excuses you have," Hawke said. "Despite that, I think I could use your services. I have yet to meet someone with your supposed skills. Anyone who impresses Fenris is someone worthy of attention."

Tabris met Fenris' glance briefly before looking away. 

"That is all," Hawke said. "I will call for you if I need you. Fenris, if you would escort her back to Lowtown."

"I can make my own way there," Tabris said quickly, "if you need him."

Hawke chuckled, "I can survive."

Fenris led Tabris out the door.

"I'll bring you to the Hanged Man," he said. "Varric is usually our point of contact."

"Is she always like that?" Tabris asked. "That cold?"

"She has much on her mind," Fenris justified. "She is a good woman, I swear. If not for her, I would...I would not be here. If you despise her company so, you do not need to be here. I would not have her put in danger because of you."

Tabris met his glance. "There are things about yourself that I know you don't want to tell me, but I suspect we have more in common than you might think. I may not be a rich blonde giant of a woman, but you can trust me."

Fenris said nothing and started walking. She followed behind him.

"Four years ago," she said, "I was engaged to be married. It was arranged, but I really did like him. The Arl's son, Vaughan, showed up the day of the wedding. He and his men kidnapped me, Shianni, and a few others. He assaulted my cousin and tried to do the same for the rest of us. So I killed him. I won't apologize for that. I will not let a rapist live. I suspect you wouldn't either."

Fenris had already turned to face her. Tabris stood, her arms across her chest, waiting for him to respond.

"So, can you work with me?" She asked angrily. "Or are you worried I'll murder Hawke in her sleep for kicks?" 

Fenris murmured, "Hawke knew this?"

Tabris replied, "Probably. It was quite the scandal. Still is, as I am technically wanted for murder in Ferelden."

Fenris promised, "Hawke will not let you come to harm while you work for her. Nor will I."

Tabris nodded and started walking again. Fenris walked beside her in silence until they reached the bar. He stopped her from entering, putting his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him almost tenderly.

"Everything alright?"

Fenris hung his head. "A different day, let us talk about this." 

"Okay," she said softly.

"Broody!"

They both turned, seeing Varric a few feet away. The dwarf came over and introduced himself, shaking Tabris' hand. Fenris left without another word, refusing to look back. 

***  
Fenris came into his home, surprised by the smell of roasting vegetables coming from his defunct kitchen. He frowned, putting his hand on his blade. He walked into the room, surprised to see Tabris cooking away, singing to herself.

She turned and smiled at him. "There you are! Varric said you would probably be home by now. I've been making a few meals for you, they're in the cold storage downstairs. Should be good for a week."

"I have a cold storage?" He asked in confusion.

She laughed, "I bet you never go anywhere but your bedroom and your wine cellar. Yes, you silly thing, you have a cold storage. I'll show you after you eat."

"You really don't have to-"

"For such a strong fighter, you're remarkably skinny. You need to increase how much you eat if you want to build up some muscle. It's selfish, really. You do generally stand near me in battles, I'd like to have a bigger shield to stand behind."

Fenris chuckled, sitting at the now clean table. 

"You protected me today," he reminded. "I would never have seen that trap."

"You're too busy dreaming about hunting down blood mages," she teased. "I'm buying you some shoes. I can't understand why elves in this country go barefoot. It's warm, but it's not that warm."

"Habit," Fenris admitted. "Slaves don't wear shoes in Tevinter."

She froze. "What did you say?"

It was not how Fenris had planned to tell her about his past, but it spilled out as they ate. Tabris reacted calmly, asking questions softly. When it was over, Fenris realized he felt lighter. When he had told Hawke, he had grown angry and bitter, but in that moment...he felt almost calm. 

Tabris shared about the Blight in Denerim, seeing many of her friends captured, being nearly captured herself. Her hands shook as she spoke and he found himself wishing to take them into his own.

When they finished cleaning up and she gave him a tour of his own home, Fenris walked her to the door.

"Will you be alright getting home by yourself?" He asked.

"If you walk me home, who will walk you home?" She joked. "I'm fine."

"It is late," Fenris said. "There is room if you wished to stay-"

"No," she blurted out, "that wouldn't be. Sorry, I should go. I'll see you tomorrow."

Fenris felt confused as she rushed off. Had he offended her? 

***

It should not have surprised Fenris how quickly Varric and Tabris became friends. The elf was soon a constant figure in their card games, often bringing along Merrill, who Fenris had seen little of in the past few years. 

When he came into the Hanged Man that night, the two elven women were lying on Varric's bed, listening as he read from his desk.

Varric had just finished saying the words "heaving bosoms" when Fenris entered. He sheepishly put his papers down. 

"Hi Broody," he said. "Just getting some feedback on my latest serial. I don't suppose you want to-"

"Not a chance," Fenris said. "I was just looking for Tabris." 

She jumped off the bed. "I'll see you two later."

Fenris held the door open for her as they left, causing Merrill to giggle. They walked out of the bar and towards Hightown.

"Is everything alright?" She asked.

He shook his head. "We're heading to Bone Pits. It seems there might be more dragon activity in the area. Hawke needs you to test their security systems."

"And here I was moving to Kirkwall to get away from dragons," she teased. 

"I think it's a false alarm," Fenris said, "but we'll be away for a few days at least. You should get your things."

"Let's just go now," she said. "I think only Shianni's home, and she's usually asleep."

"Why would it matter if we were alone?" He asked, frowning.

She blushed. "Never mind."

They walked into the Alienage. Fenris followed Tabris into her home, sitting down on the new couch. The beds had been moved off into a recently built room off the side of the house, paid for by her earnings from working with Hawke. It was nice to be able to sit in the family home without having to worry about waking someone up.

Tabris returned a few minutes later with a satchel. She strapped on her daggers over her leather armour and laced into her boots. She smiled at him.

"Ready to go?" She asked.

"In a moment," he replied. "There's...there's something I want to talk to you about."

"I guess we needed to be alone after all," Tabris joked, sitting beside him. "What's going on?"

Her hand brushed against his accidentally and she pulled it back, apologizing. 

"Sorry, I know you don't like to be touched."

"I've never said that," he retorted. 

"It's the way you hold yourself," she said softly. "Your muscles tense when you're close to another person. Sometimes you look like you're in pain...I don't want to hurt you."

His face relaxed. "I'm fine." 

"What did you want to talk about?" She asked, pulling her legs up.

"Hawke has been...on edge," he explained. "She has been reluctant to call on your services as of late. I am not entirely sure why. I know that you have been relying on her income and I wanted to warn you. You can be..."

Tabris raised an eyebrow. "Disrespectful?" 

Fenris justified, "Hawke can be a bit authourative, but she has been-"

"Fenris, it's okay," she interrupted. "I'll be on my best behaviour, I promise."

She stood. "We should go."

***

They walked one by one up the coast for a time. Hawke led the party, Sebastian just behind her. Fenris protected the back, keeping a close eye on the woman in front of him. Tabris risked the odd look back, smiling at him. In spite of himself, he found himself smiling back.

As the path widened again, Hawke called for Fenris to walk beside her. 

"We'll make camp when we reach the summit," she instructed. "I want to be reaching the site during the day. You and I will take first watch."

"It would make more sense for us to be paired with one of the rogues," Fenris argued. "Neither of them are as physically strong as we are."

"But I want you," she whispered, her hand brushing against his. 

He said nothing. Hawke smirked as she went to Sebastian's side, the two falling into an easy banter. Fenris felt a tightness in his chest and kept to himself, ignoring the other three as they climbed the mountain.

They set up the camp for the night within the hour. Tabris started making dinner and Fenris found himself helping her. The other two were off talking, leaving the two elves relatively alone.  
Fenris cursed as he let go of the hot pan. Tabris dropped the vegetables into a dish and took his hand gently, examining the burn. She poured cool water from the canteen over it and he bit his lip.

"It's not too bad," she reassured. "I saw a stream not too far from here. Go cool it in the water. I'll finish up here."

He nodded, holding his hand gingerly as he walked into the brush. When he found the stream, he cooled his hand as instructed, sighing as the stinging alleviated. He vaguely heard someone coming back to the camp, but recognized it quickly as Hawke. He heard her voice, but was not focusing on her words until he heard Tabris respond.

"I imagine you must inspire all sorts of sinful thoughts."

"That I do," Hawke chuckled. "I would be offended if the good Brother didn't have to go off to pray at the end of the day."

"I guess I was confused then. I thought you and Fenris were-"

"I know your game, little girl," Hawke said coolly. "I have not gotten where I have without understanding the hearts of men. You are here because I have a need for your skills. I could find them elsewhere. I chose you because you are no threat to me. I could snap you in two if I wished."

Fenris dried his hand quickly and came back, his heart pounding. Tabris glanced at him before returning to the fire. Hawke smiled sweetly at Fenris.

"Our little domestic friend here has offered to take the first shift," Hawke said. 

Fenris was unsure what to say. Sebastian returned and sat by the fire. Tabris served him first before ladling the meal out to the others. She hesitated when she reached Hawke. The noble held out her dish and Tabris hesitated and finally filled it before sitting down.

Sebastian said, "You have injured your hand, Fenris."

"It is nothing," he said.

Hawke teased, "A little kitchen burn is nothing to my brave warrior, but you should leave the domestic chores to those more...qualified for that sort of work."

Tabris said nothing, even after the meal ended and Hawke led Fenris off to her tent for the night. Hawke pinned him down and kissed him. Fenris went along with her actions, half-heartedly.

"Make love to me," she whispered in his ear. "Show me how much you need me."

Fenris protested, "I..."

"You promised to serve me, fulfill my every need. I need you," she growled. "Please, Fenris...it's been too long." 

She put her hand between his legs and he groaned at the sensation. He kissed her back, helping her onto the ground. Once her clothes were off, he knelt between her legs. He took her into his mouth, sucking and licking her as she liked. It was easiest this way. She didn't have to touch him and he did not have to say a word to her. He wanted to please her, he truly did, and he had done this for her a handful of times. Each time he had enjoyed it, but refused to let her service him, only relieving the ache on his own later in private. 

She groaned his name, wrapping her legs around him. He quickened his pace, feeling her shake around his fingers. He grew close, his hardened cock brushing against the bedrolls. 

She screamed out, louder than before, his name again and again. He knew this must be for Sebastian's benefit, but he felt no jealously towards him, only resentment towards his partner. After she came, he kissed her sex and withdrew. She lay, still moaning, catching her breath.

"Let me touch you," she whispered. "I want to feel you inside of me. Please, Fenris."

"I can't," he said softly.

She groaned, "Fenris-"

He left the tent and went into the other. He wrapped himself in the bedroll and willed himself to go to sleep. 

***

The memories were too close to him that night, the pain, the screams, the burning of his flesh. He woke up crying, throwing the blankets away. He felt a hand on his shoulder and he tossed it off.

Tabris reassured, "Fenris, it's just me."

At the sound of her voice, his heart slowed slightly.

"Where-"

"I heard you screaming, I thought I'd check on you. It's just a nightmare, Fenris, you're safe. I'm right here."

Fenris trembled. "Where is Hawke?"

"She's in her tent," she said, sounding almost disappointed. 

Fenris sighed in relief.

"I was remembering Seheron," he murmured. "The last moments before the blade entered my skin...the pain..."

He took her hand in his and she brushed her thumb over his knuckles.

"It's over," she promised. "All of it."

"Not until Danarius is dead," he whimpered. "Not until..."

"It's okay," she reassured, holding him to her.

Fenris shivered, trying to catch his breath as she stroked through his hair. She hummed, letting him rest his head on her chest. He listened to her heartbeat, quickening underneath his touch. 

She kissed the top of his head and he put his arm around her. He drifted back to sleep, listening to her breath.

***

Tabris was still asleep when he woke. Her hair fell around her in the early morning light. She looked tired and had managed to steal most of the blankets, but she looked...peaceful. 

Fenris felt ashamed. He dressed quickly and exited the tent, seeing Hawke and Sebastian already talking. He expected Hawke to say something about his sleeping arrangements, but she said nothing, even as Tabris joined them.

When they broke camp, Hawke went to his side as they walked north. She pulled him close and murmured, "Last night was amazing."

Fenris said nothing and she rolled her eyes. "Is this because I slept in the other tent? It's your stupid little elf girl. Won't sleep in the same tent as a shem man and there's no way I was going to sleep bedside a woman like her."

"It's fine," Fenris said quietly.

"She's got a little crush on you I think," Hawke chuckled. "Sad, really."

Fenris shook his head. "She is just...afraid."

Hawke rolled her eyes. "Whatever. As long as she can fight, I don't care." 

***

Tabris stopped first, putting her hand out to stop Fenris from walking forward.

"We need to go around," she insisted fearfully. 

Hawke grumbled, "Bandits? We can handle them."

"Slavers. I can smell the hellum poison from here so they must have supplied in Minrathous. We should go, now," she said, shaking her head. 

Fenris promised quietly, "They will not touch you."

"I was worried about you," she admitted. 

Her fingers brushed against his and a pleasant shiver ran through him. Tabris went forward, disarming the traps ahead of them. Fenris stood watch, his hand on his sword. Hawke and Sebastian waited, weapons drawn. He saw the man in the distance, barely registering the drawing of his bow. 

Fenris threw himself in front of Tabris, knocking her out of the way. He groaned as the arrow pierced his sword arm. She helped him to the ground.

"Are you okay?" She asked quickly.

He nodded and she rose, bringing the daggers from her belt. As the others attacked, Tabris selected her target. She threw herself at a man twice her size, knocking him down. One blade in his belly, the other in his back. She downed a second, not seeing the third. Fenris switched his blade to his other hand, barely knocking the blow aside. She threw her dagger, slicing the slaver's throat in two.

"Halt!" Hawke called out.

Fenris turned, seeing the last slaver on his knees before Hawke, her blade at his throat. Fenris marched over but Hawke gestured for him to wait.

"They apparently were looking for you after all," Hawke said in amusement. "I told him you could decide whether or not that information was worth his life. Someone named Hadriana is in town and has put quite the price on that pretty head of yours."

Fenris demanded, "Tell me where she is."

"Not far from here, a few miles north, in the caverns," the slaver begged. "Please, I just did this for-"

"Shut up," Hawke barked.

"We have to go after her," Fenris said. "Now, before we lose her."

"Fenris, we can't," Hawke said. "You're injured. We've got to get you back to Kirkwall. Once you're in the city, you'll be fine. If she's still around in a few weeks, we'll deal with it then."

"This can't wait," Fenris insisted, his heart pounding. "You don't understand, this woman...she tortured me. She will stop at nothing before she brings me back to her master. Please, Hawke, I beg of you."

"No," she said firmly. "Sebastian and I will keep going to the Bone Pit."

Sebastian protested, "If Fenris is in danger, we should stay together."

All three turned suddenly, hearing a thud. The slaver fell over as the dagger sliced through his throat. Tabris came and took the blade back. She wiped it off on the slaver's clothes before putting it back in her belt.

"If it will keep Fenris safe, we should go after her," Tabris said. "Hawke, you and I could go, let the Brother tend to his wounds. We'll get back by nightfall."

"If you will remember," Hawke said angrily, "you work for me. The Bone Pit isn't more than an hour from here. Sebastian, take Fenris back to Kirkwall. We'll come when we're done."

Tabris glanced at Fenris before looking back at Hawke. "Yes, Ma'am."

Fenris felt dizzy and he lowered himself to the ground. Hawke knelt in front of him, examining the wound.

"We'll get you home safe," she promised softly. "I know you're upset, but we need you at your full strength. Here."

She helped him drink a potion slowly and cut away most of the arrow before binding the wound the best she could. She kissed the top of his head before rising. Fenris looked over at the two women, both of them glancing at him before leaving. He grimaced, trying to not focus on the pain.

Sebastian helped him to his feet gently and they began the long trek home.


	3. Chapter 3

**CW: anxiety, discussion of anxiety. General mental health garbage.**

 

Even after he had seen Anders, he couldn't rest. He could only think of Hadriana, could only remember every detail of the hell she had put him through. The hunger, the thirst, the...it was all too much. 

He went home and he drank. Only a little. He couldn't let his guard fall. If he was asleep when she found him...after all these years, his freedom might be stripped away from him. He couldn't go back, he couldn't-

His chest ached and he tried to breathe deeply, his shoulder throbbing. Eventually, he forced himself to lie down. He needed rest. Any sort of rest he could manage.

***

Fenris did not sleep, not even by the time the sunrise streamed through the window. He lay on his bed, the covers practically torn to shreds. He finally rose. He wanted to track Hawke down and force her to help him, but he was afraid. He was too tired, his heart too faint, his sword arm too weak.

He dragged himself through Hightown and hesitated at the edge of the Estate. What would he do if she said she wouldn't help him?

He hesitated, looking at his surroundings. How did he end up in the Alienage? He felt dizzy and he tried to rest against a wall, closing his eyes. He heard a vaguely reassuring voice and he opened his eyes, barely recognizing Cyrion. Cyrion helped Fenris into his home and laid him on the couch. 

Fenris heard murmurings around him. He felt ill, incredibly ill. He closed his eyes, allowing his body to finally sleep.

***

Fenris opened his eyes to several young elven children staring at him. He sat up suddenly and they scattered, giggling. He looked over towards the kitchen. Cyrion was baking bread, trying to convince the children to be quiet.

"There's some tea and biscuits for you, Mr. Fenris," he said cheerfully. "If you're up for eating them. You look much better this afternoon."

One of the children brought over the cold tea and biscuits. Fenris sat back on the couch, drinking slowly. 

"He's drunk," one of the children whispered.

"No, he's hungover. That means he was drunk yesterday," another explained.

"Why does he have white hair? Is he old?"

"Enough," Cyrion sighed. "You're supposed to be helping me, remember?"

Fenris shivered, pulling the blanket around him. 

"How long was I out?" He asked.

"Only a few hours," Cyrion said. "I would have put you in our bedroom, but you're far too heavy for me to carry. Once you eat, you should go get some more sleep. You look like you need it."

"Thank you," Fenris muttered.

Fenris ate slowly, only looking up as the door opened again. Tabris entered, dirty and clearly exhausted. She threw her pack on the floor and one of the children ran up to her. She picked up the little girl and smothered her with kisses. She put her down and the child ran off.

Tabris looked over, seeing Fenris there.

"Maker, you look awful," she said. "Are you okay? Is it your shoulder?"

Cyrion said kindly, "I think he may find he only needs a good meal and a good bed. I am sure what ails him will pass soon."

"I'll help you to bed," she promised. 

"I should go," Fenris said. "I shouldn't-"

He tried to stand and his knees gave out. His hands were shaking as she picked him back up. The children attempted to circle around to see, but Cyrion shooed them away. Fenris put his arm over Tabris' shoulder and she helped him into the bedroom. 

Two small beds lay on each side of the room, a few books and a small dresser between them. She laid him down in hers. He shivered and she pulled the blankets around him. 

"I should get Anders," she said.

"No," Fenris whispered. "Don't. Just...stay. Please."

"You're scared," she murmured, kneeling beside him.  
"I drank too much last night and I couldn't sleep," he admitted. "My heart...I can't relax. If I think about it too long, it's like I'm dying. If she's out there, I have to find her. I can't live like this, I can't. I'm losing my mind. " 

"I used to get panic attacks when I was a girl," she said softly, stroking his face. "It felt like I was dying. I used to wake up in the night...Papa used to put cold water on the back of my neck and sit with me until I could breathe. You need to get your strength back and you need rest. So you'll stay here with us. Just a few weeks. Then we'll find her."

"But what if she comes here," Fenris argued. "If she finds me here, if something happened to you because of my weakness. To your family. Thief, I can't put you in danger. This is my burden, not yours. There is nothing I can offer you in return."

"You don't really know how this friendship thing works, do you?" She teased. "You took an arrow for me and now I take care of you. Besides, my family survived the Blight, an Archdemon, Tevinter slavers, and living in two different Alienages. I'm not afraid of a witch."

Fenris laughed weakly. 

"Do you think you can sleep?" She asked.

"Maybe."

"Then sleep," she said. "I'll be here."

***

Fenris was still staying with them a few days later when, in the middle of the night, Shianni went into labour. He sat in their living room, surrounded by the other elves of the Alienage. He sat beside Cyrion as they waited to hear any news from upstairs.

"Always scary when it's a first birth," Cyrion said. "My little girl..."

"Is it custom for all these people to be here?" Fenris asked nervously.

"Oh yes. There are so few of us...its really a large family. All of us who came from Ferelden. Even back home. We won't have to cook for days. Once the baby is actually born, they'll make themselves scarce. Give the parents time to bond. Those first few days after my little girl was born...those were some of the best days of my life."

They both looked up, hearing someone running down the stairs.

"It's a girl!" Alarith announced.

The room cheered and many came over to congratulate the father and in turn Cyrion. Fenris found some shaking his hand, assuming he was a relative of some sort or another. 

He looked up, seeing a tired Tabris halfway down the stairs. She gave him a little wave and his heart pounded in his chest. He met her at the bottom of the staircase and she embraced him excitedly.

"She's so beautiful, Fenris," she said. "Just gorgeous."

"Shianni is well?"

"Doing just fine. She's so tough. I think I'd just fall apart."

"I can't imagine that," Fenris teased. "You'd be making jokes and yelling at me."

"Why would I be yelling at you?"

Fenris felt a lump grow in his throat. "Excuse me."

He left the house, stumbling into an alleyway. Tabris followed after him.

"Fenris!" She called.

He tried to ignore her and kept walking. She ran until she caught up with him.

"If you're leaving, fine," she said, "but I just need to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine," he spat. "Leave me be, thief." 

"You're clearly not," she retorted. "Did I say-"

"I said I'm fine," he growled.

He stopped and faced her. She met his glance easily, folding her arms over her chest.

"You have been kind to me," Fenris said finally, "but I am not part of your world."

"You could be," she said softly. "You don't have to be alone."

"Stop interfering in my life," he ordered. 

"Why did you come to my house?" She asked angrily. "When you were sick, you came to me, not anyone else. Why me?"

 _Because I trust you._  
"I was drunk," he said bitterly. "I was going to the Hanged Man and your father found me. You can blame him for my intrusion."

"But you didn't go to Hawke."

"I don't need to bother her with every problem I have."

"You don't trust her," Tabris said.

"She has protected me for years and I have served her faithfully. You've made me a few bowls of soup and you think you know me better than she does?" Fenris asked. 

"She doesn't love you!" Tabris cried.

Fenris stormed off angrily. He did not mean to turn back until he heard her scream his name. 

He whipped around, seeing Tabris fighting off a man, another trying to grab her. He raced back, tearing one from her, breaking his neck. Another three attacked him. He defended himself the best he could, but he was without a blade. 

Battered and bruised, he looked up, seeing the sole survivor. He held Tabris by the throat, a blade to her chest. 

"I'll kill her," he warned. "Stay back."

Tears streamed down Tabris' face. 

Fenris snarled, "Did Hadriana send you?"

"Another elf in the Alienage she said. Just another elf. She never said she was looking for a monster," the man accused. "If you want to kill me, you'll have to kill your little pet here too."

He looked at Tabris, so small under his hand. He had never seen her so afraid.

"Let her go," Fenris ordered. 

The man did so and ran. Tabris fell, gasping. He picked her up into his arms. 

"Don't take me home," she whispered hoarsely. "I don't want Shianni to see me like this. Please, I'm fine." 

"They know where you live," Fenris said. "We need to go."

Despite her protests, he carried her to the Hanged Man. He went up to Varric's room, closing the door behind him. The dwarf looked up at him in worry.

"Wait, is she-"

"I'm fine," Tabris coughed.

Fenris helped her onto Varric's bed.

Fenris said. "There are slavers roaming in the Alienage, you need to make sure they're stopped. I need to find Hawke. Look after the thief for me."

"I'm fine," Tabris protested, "let me-"

Fenris said, "I told you I would not let any harm come to you and I failed you. I will not do so again. Hadriana will die by my hand by sundown tomorrow. I swear it to you. Even if Hawke does not come with me." 

"I will go with you," she promised. "You're still recovering. I'll watch your back."

"I will not forgive myself for this," he whispered. "I will never forgive myself if she or one of her men harmed you further to get to me. Please, stay here tonight."

Varric reminded, "Still here, guys." 

Fenris said, "Thank you, Varric. I will send word."

Fenris headed out towards Hightown.

***

Hawke lay on the bed before him, barely dressed.

"You've just said yourself that you were able to kill them," she said coolly. "I don't think I have to go off in the middle of the night for you to kill more slavers just because they threatened your new little friend."

"She nearly died because of me. I'm not going to live in fear anymore, Hawke. If you don't come with me now...I'm not coming back."

She raised an eyebrow as he continued, "I've spent years protecting you, serving you, and this time, this time I need you. If I go by myself, I might not survive. I need you by my side."

She stood, slinking towards him.

"Do you love me?" She murmured.

Fenris' heart raced. He respected her. He feared her. But that was not the same. 

Hawke asked angrily, "Do you love her?" 

_Yes._

Hawke threw him against the wall, kissing him hard. Fenris kissed her back, pulling at her clothes. She pulled his trousers down and knelt, taking his hardening cock into her mouth. He gasped as she sucked him hard. When he grew close, she withdrew. He growled and pushed her against the wall. She wrapped her thighs around him and thrust him into her. Fenris moaned into her shoulder and pounded into her. Her fingernails dug into skin and pain radiated throughout him, the pleasure barely masking it.

When she grunted into his ear, he kissed her and withdrew. She practically tackled him, bringing him onto the floor with her. He entered her from behind and thrust into her, his orgasm building. She came again, screaming, rubbing her clit fiercely. At the last moment, he pulled out, stroking himself to completion. He bucked into his hand, shaking. His seed spurted onto his discarded clothes and his knees gave out. 

She kissed him hard, pining him onto his back. His body felt like it was breaking, slowly snapping. He gently pushed her away.

"Let's go to bed," she murmured. "We'll move out in the morning. Oh Fenris...I've waited so long for you...you're mine now."

Fenris was barely aware of her words over the pain. He managed to sleep in her bed, fitfully, the nightmares still haunting him.

***

Tabris would not look at him as they went into the mountains. She would not speak to him. She wandered behind their party like a ghost, letting the others lead the way. Fenris longed to be beside her, her hand on his. 

But Hawke demanded his presence.

"Aveline, Fenris, and I will led the front," she ordered. "Archers in the back. The lockpick will stay in the middle. I doubt we'll need her today." 

The elf still said nothing. 

They fought their way through the caverns, coming to an empty space. A young elven woman stood alone, crying. Tabris ran forward to the girl's side. The little elf looked at her fearfully, reaching her arms out. Tabris embraced her, kissing her on both cheeks.

"You're safe, sister," she promised. "What is your name?" 

"Orana. Where's my Papa?" the girl asked, crying. "Papa!"

Tabris reassured her, "If he's still alive, we'll find him."

Hawke replied, "He's likely dead. You're the only one we've seen. Tell me where the magister is, child. I don't have time for your hysterics."

Orana shook her head. "I don't know-"

"Are all you elves so pathetic? Get out of my sight."

"We can't just leave her here," Tabris argued. 

"She'll come with me," Hawke said. "I could use a slave around the house."

Fenris felt as if his heart had been ripped out. 

He pleaded, "Hawke." 

"She's just a child!" Tabris protested, putting her body between Orana and Hawke. "If you want to take her, you'll have to go through me first."

"Do you suggest we just leave her here?" Hawke asked bitterly. "At least with me she'll get her own bed and three full meals a day. Will you let her sleep in your kitchen and feed her potato scraps?"

Tabris growled, "Lay a hand on her and I'll cut you down like a dog, shem."

Hawke threw her hands in the air. "Fine, have it your way, elf. If you want to keep playing nursemaid, the rest of us will deal with this problem now."

Orana sniffled and Tabris said something reassuring to her. She kissed the top of Orana's head and pressed one of her daggers into her hand. The girl ran off through the passageways and Tabris returned to them, sheathing her remaining blade. She looked up at Fenris, nodding to him.

"Let's keep going then, shall we?" Hawke asked angrily.

Fenris pulled her ahead. 

"How could you even say that?" Fenris hissed to her. 

"Relax, Fenris. I would have paid her. I just like to see Tabris all riled up. The little thing might explode. It's amusing."

"Do not treat her this way," Fenris warned. "Or I-"

"What? You'll leave me? That's a popular threat from you lately, darling. If you remember, you came to me to protect you. Not her. Is she such a distraction to your work? I could just have her taken care of. It would be no trouble."

Fenris was unsure what to say. 

"You are mine," she reminded firmly. "You have given yourself to me. If you have trouble remembering that, then I will help you. By whatever means I have."

***

Hadriana laid dead before his feet. He wanted to fall to his knees and cry. Tabris stepped forward to comfort him but he gestured for her to stand back. 

Hawke growled, "I told you not to kill her. You went back on your word!"

Fenris said nothing. He simply left.


	4. Chapter 4

Fenris went into the wine cellar and grabbed everything he could carry. He returned to his bedroom and opened a bottle. He downed it and tossed it against the wall. He tossed over the desk, screaming out.

He was half way through the second bottle when he heard his front door open. He grabbed his sword and went out, holding the wine bottle still. 

Tabris stood in his foyer, looking up at him.

She sighed, "Good, you haven't drunk yourself to death yet."

"You should go," he said.

She went up the stairs, following him wordlessly into his bedroom. He hung his sword back on the wall and handed her the bottle of wine. She put it down without drinking. 

"I told Hawke you'd probably head south for awhile," she said. "It'll give you a little bit of time before she chases after you again."

"The girl is safe?"

"Papa is making her dinner as we speak. She's shaken, but I think she'll be okay."

"Good."

"How are you?"

Fenris laughed darkly, "How do you think I am, thief?" 

Tabris sat down on the bed. "Do you want me here?"

Fenris leaned against the mantle above the fireplace. "I don't know."

Tabris asked, "Do you know what you want at all?"

"I want to be safe," he said, pounding his fist against the wall. "I want to not have to have a wolf on my back. I want to be happy. I don't want it to hurt. It's the same. It's always the same!"

"I wouldn't have been able to kill Hadriana without Hawke," Fenris said, leaning his head against the wall. "I would have been caught, eventually. They would rip the lyrium from my body and leave me to die. They'd kill you, knowing you harboured me. Your family too. Hadriana might have even taken you back to Minrathous herself. I promised you I would protect you. I had to..."

He heard her stand and walk towards him. 

"I know," she said angrily. "Hawke makes it very clear that you belong to her. She spared no detail when you left. Such a sacrifice. Poor Fenris."

"I don't love her," he said quietly. 

"I know," Tabris said.

"I can't give you what you want, thief," he whispered. "You deserve better."

"I want you," she said softly.

"Hawke will kill you," he said. 

"If you want me to go, I'll go," she promised. 

When he hesitated, she turned to go. He caught her waist and pulled her into a deep kiss. She threw her arms around his neck and he held onto her, closing his eyes.

"Don't leave me," he whispered.

Tabris kissed him, softer. Her hand ran down his arm and while his heart raced, her touch was tender and comforting. The pain remained, but it was muted.

He kissed her more aggressively, pining her up against the wall. She put her hands out gently on his chest and he backed off.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I..."

"Let's take our time," she said, stroking his face. "I...this is new to me." 

They undressed each other slowly, running their hands over the other by the light of the fire. He led her to the bed and she laid down, trembling.

"We don't have to," he reassured. 

"I want to," she said. "As long as you do."

He kissed her lips before moving down her body. He kissed her thighs, parting her legs with his hands. He followed her moans as he kissed her folds, following her breathing as she opened to him. He gently sucked on her clit as she grew wetter, allowing him to slip a finger into her. She groaned and gripped into his hair. He thrust the finger slowly before sliding in a second. She arched her back and he went a bit faster, feeling her clench around him. She cried out and he went harder, helping her ride out her orgasm.

He rolled her on top of him.

"Take your time," he said gently.

She lowered herself on top of his cock, grimacing slightly. He groaned, wanting desperately to buck into her. She held onto his chest and began to move. He sat up, wrapping his legs around her. She thrust him into her and he moved with her. 

She moaned his name and he whispered hers. 

She gasped quietly and he felt her tremble around him. He held her closer, kissing her collarbone, nuzzling into her neck. She panted in his ear, holding desperately onto him. She shuddered with a low moan and his own body pulsed. He laid her down into the sheets and entered her again. She wrapped her body around his as he thrust into her. She cried out, gripping into the sheets. He jutted forward, almost collapsing as he came. 

She stroked his cheek, bringing him up to sit. Fenris realized he was crying. He broke into sobs and she pulled herself into his lap. 

"Did I hurt you?" She asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He joked weakly.

She pressed her forehead against his. 

"What happens now?" Tabris asked.

Fenris stroked her cheek. "I don't know."

***

She was still beside him when he woke. He kissed down her neck and she sighed happily, reaching back to stroke his hip. He reached between her legs, finding her already wet for him. She groaned his name, grasping at the sheets. He slid into her slowly and they held each other tightly as he moved. 

With one hand on her breast, the other rubbing her clit, Fenris thrust into her. He moaned loudly and she screamed his name. 

He didn't know he could feel this good.

He came first, pounding into her still. She followed, clenching around his softening cock. She flipped over and kissed him hard, pushing him into the sheets.

"I love you," he moaned, his body still shaking. 

She smiled and his heart melted. She kissed him and curled up on his chest.

"I'll tell Hawke," Fenris promised. "It's over. I'll find Danarius and I'll end this. Then we can be together. We'll be safe."

"I don't want her to hurt you," Tabris worried.

"I'll be alright," he said. 

"I'll go back home," she said. "Come see me after you talk to her. Just...be careful."

***

Fenris entered Hawke's mansion fearfully. He attempted to keep calm as he went into her study. She was sitting in front of the fire, drinking, an empty bottle already sitting beside he. She looked up at him and sighed.

"I was worried you wouldn't come back," she said.

"Hawke, there's something-"

"No, let me talk first," she said, waving him off. "You were in your rights to kill her. We had all the information we needed. It's good. The problem is resolved now. I was so worried about you, it really put things into perspective."

She took his hand in hers. "I can't lose you, Fenris. I need you."

"Hawke," Fenris said in a rush, "I can't be with you." 

She narrowed her eyes 

He admitted, his chest aching, "I love her."

Hawke grabbed him by the throat and pinned him against the wall.

"You don't," she spat. "What has she done for you? What has she given you that I haven't? You've stood by me for years and now that I've rescued you from Hadriana, you're going to run off with a little peasant girl?"

"This wouldn't have worked, Hawke," Fenris insisted hoarsely. "You want a better match than me. I'm just a toy to you."

She tossed him on the ground and he rose slowly, his body aching. 

Hawke growled, "When I am ruling Kirkwall, you will stand beside me as my consort, regardless of my husband. You belong to me. Without me, you would have been dead or captured years ago. You need me." 

Fenris whispered, "Hawke...please let me go." 

She said, "You know why I've kept you as my bodyguard, Fenris? Because you look frightening. Because every man and woman in Kirkwall knows that however terrifying you are, I must be even more powerful to tame you. To them you are an animal. Danarius will still come for you one day. Can you rely on your little Alienage tramp to keep you safe then or will he just enslave you both? You need me!"

Fenris said, "I'm not afraid of you."

"Then let me make this perfectly clear, Fenris," Hawke growled. "You will continue to serve me and if I find you have been unfaithful to me, I will not punish you, I will punish her. This city does not care if I orchestrate the painful death of one little knife-ear. If you leave me, I will find you. I'll make you wish Danarius found you first."

Fenris merely nodded.

"Good. I won't force you to sleep with me, but I will kill any woman who tries to take you from me. You are mine, Fenris. You always will be. One day you will understand that."

She left the room and Fenris fell to his knees. 

***

Fenris looked around anxiously before he entered the home. To his surprise, most of Tabris' family was out. His love sat with Shianni's newborn, singing to her as they lay on the couch together. 

She smiled and sat up, holding the baby to her chest. Yet when her eyes met his, it grew into a frown.

Fenris knelt before her and she laid the baby in her bassinet. Fenris took Tabris' hands in his own.

"We can't be together," he said softly. 

"Did she threaten you?" She asked fearfully. "Are you in danger?"

"You are," he whispered. "I will not let her hurt you. This is the best way I can."

"I'm not scared of her," Tabris retorted. "Let her come."

"Thief," he said softly. "This is the only way."

"It's not," she said. "We'll save up our coin and when we can, we run away. Just us. We'll go to Seheron, anywhere to get away from her. I want you. I want to be with you. I'm willing to risk it if you are."

He kissed her softly and pressed his forehead against hers.

"We'll find a way," he promised.

***

Fenris came into Varric's room and the dwarf closed and locked the door behind him. 

"A mutual friend of ours came to talk to me yesterday," he said, gesturing for Fenris to sit. "I think we've worked something out."

"Tell me," Fenris insisted, sitting at the table.  
"Hawke's got eyes and ears everywhere, but I can keep her mostly out of the Alienage. Lots of elves won't work with her, you can imagine why. And your little friend is quite popular in the area, no one is going to tattle on her. So if you absolutely need to run off to play hide the pickle, do it there. At night."

Fenris flushed slightly as Varric continued, "I've set up another account in my name. I'm storing whatever you can save. Hawke won't be able to trace it easily. You let me know when and I cash it out."

Fenris replied, "I don't know what to say."

"Hawke can't control everything in this city," Varric said. "I like you, Broody. I like seeing you happy. Well, as happy as you get."

"When can I see her?" He asked.

"Lay low for a few days," Varric advised. "She's fine. She misses you."

Fenris hung his head. "What if Hawke finds out?"

Varric said softly, "If she does, we'll get you both out of the city fast. I've got cousins all up and down the coast who owe me favours."

"Thank you," Fenris said weakly.

Varric patted him on the back. "Just be quiet about it. Hawke's not exactly a woman who likes being lied to."

***

Fenris managed to stay away only until nightfall. He entered from the roof, scaling down until he could let himself into her bedroom. She closed the window and her mouth was on his. He took her against the wall roughly. She silenced his moans with her hand over his mouth. She came almost silently, shivering underneath him. His knees started to tire and she pushed him onto the bed, riding him until he finished, tears streaming down his face. 

"I love you," she whispered. 

He kissed her hungrily, not wanting to let go of her. They both froze, hearing voices in the alley outside the house. When it grew quiet, he kissed her again and opened the window. She embraced him and he whispered into her ear that he loved her.

And then he left.

***  
When the Qunari invaded, Fenris left Hawke's side and ran to the Alienage. Tabris was already out in full force, evacuating her people into the tunnels beneath the city. He helped carry Shianni's daughter, the baby crying in his arms. Once her family was safe, Tabris told him to go back to Hawke. 

Fenris ran to the Keep, worried his secret would be discovered. He instead found Hawke crowned Champion of Kirkwall, protector of the city. His heart sank as the woman's eyes met his. She was now one of the most powerful people in the city. He would never get away from her now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a very odd dub-conny threesome coming up.  
> You have been warned.  
> I am also trash. 
> 
> I'm imaging Hawke has been putting our poor Sebastian through similar ringers. Keep that in mind.

A few weeks later, Hawke was invited to a party in Orlais. To his surprise, she did not take him, but only Sebastian. It was a reprieve. Hawke would be gone for five weeks, or more. She did not lecture or threaten him, as she often did. She seemed...happy. It worried him. 

In that month, Tabris lived with Fenris in the mansion, after sneaking in one night. They slowly cleaned it out, making the rest of it comfortable and livable. They spent it almost entirely alone. They had just this time, they could not waste it on anyone than the other.

They knew Hawke would be back soon and they could not risk another day together. The pair waited as long as they could, even as dawn began to streak across the sky. Finally, Tabris climbed out the window and left him all alone.

He stood in his home...one that finally felt like a home. He missed her, he missed the warmth of her smile, missed the smells of her cooking, her quiet breathing when she slept beside him. Almost a year they had pretended not to be together. He couldn't wait much longer.

With Varric's help, he had written to Tevinter. It seemed a long shot, but if he had a living sister, maybe she could help them get to Seheron. Maybe he could offer Tabris a family when they left hers. 

***

Fenris lowered himself in through the window, as he had a hundred times. Tabris was already asleep. He laid down beside her and she stirred, smiling over at him.

"I saw Hawke today," Tabris yawned. "Orlais seemed to agree with her, in more ways than one."

Fenris asked curiously, "Oh?"

"It seems that she managed to seduce the Chantry boy," Tabris said. "She was making a big deal of it when we were out scavenging on the beach. Rubbing our faces right in it. She told me she was hoping she was pregnant so she could speed the wedding along."

"This sounds like her," Fenris commented. "Poor Vael seems to finally have fallen in battle. I should speak with him. We were close once, he and I. I miss that."

"The conversation got me thinking," Tabris admitted, sitting up. "I think I might be...you know. Knocked up."

Fenris paled and sat up. "You've been taking your herbs, they've been working all this time, why-"

"I was sick for awhile a few months back and was taking another tonic too. I think maybe they don't work well together. I'm going to ask Merrill about it. I don't know though. I haven't bled since then, but I've never been regular."

Fenris ran his hand through his hair. "Thief..."

"I'm going to see Anders tomorrow. I'd like you to be there, but...I don't think it's smart if you are," she said. "I just needed to let you know, so it isn't a big surprise if it's positive."

"How far along would you be?"

"If it's when I think it was, maybe three months. I'd start showing soon if I was. I've thought my waistline was a bit bigger, but I figured that was just sympathy weight for Shianni."

Fenris felt his throat tighten.

"Tell me what you're thinking," she pleaded.

"I hope you're not pregnant," he admitted. "I...I want to have children with you. But it wouldn't be safe now."

"I feel the same," she said, "but if I am, I might keep it. I don't know, I haven't made up my mind yet."

He squeezed her hand. "If I'm to come back tomorrow, I can't stay long. I love you."

"I'm really scared," she whispered. "Please...just..."

He held her as she buried her head into his shoulder. 

"I won't go tonight," he promised. "Let's get some sleep, thief."

"I would have already been pregnant when we were playing house," she laughed nervously. "Maybe we were both nesting without realizing it."

Fenris thought of his child running around the big house, maybe their brothers and sisters chasing behind them. Shianni's own children would be there too. Their friends, their family...his throat tightened. 

He held her closer as they laid in each other's arms.

***

Fenris never made it back to her house the next night. Hawke took him to every noble's home, demanding information about the locations of apostates. They looked at him in fear and Hawke seemed smug. She was getting everything she wanted.

On their way back to the Estate, she pinned him against the wall of an alley. Fenris froze as she kissed him.

"Your Prince-"

"Has decided to devote himself to his work in the Chantry while he decides what he wants to do with me," Hawke said. "And a girl has needs. As I remember, you were very good at fulfilling them. It's been awhile for you too, I imagine. Unless there's something you want to tell me."

"I...I can take care of that sort of thing myself," Fenris stammered.

"It's not the same and we know it," she said. 

"Hawke, I-"

"You belong to me, Fenris. Come on. Let's get a few drinks and see how we're feeling. I need some...relaxation."

Fenris followed her to the Hanged Man, his heart pounding in his chest. He came in, seeing Varric already playing cards with Sebastian and Aveline. Fenris sat down while Hawke got drinks.

Varric said, "Fenris, I heard back from your contact in the Alienage, the sword seller? She says that the blade you want is in stock, if you're still interested."

Aveline said, "Fenris, if you're looking for steel, I know a man with very reasonable prices and is probably much more legal than whatever source Varric's came from."

Hawke returned with the ales and sat beside Fenris, her hand on his leg. She glanced over at Sebastian, eyeing him before picking up her cards.

Varric continued, "Anyways, she'd like to hear from you. You've got time to drop in tomorrow? It's a time limited offer, after all."

Fenris had no idea what Varric was talking about and was too distracted by Hawke's hand to ask. Her fingers traced up his thigh, just brushing against his sex. She touched him lightly and to his shame, he felt himself growing hard.

He rose from the table and went upstairs to splash some cold water on his face. Hawke found him outside of the latrines and pinned him against the wall.

"I want you," she groaned, reaching her hand down his pants. "Take me now and hard. Do it, Fenris. Show me that you've been waiting for me."

Fenris hated himself for following her into a bedroom. Hated himself for stripping off her clothes and tossing them to the ground. His love and him had decided, long ago, that if needed be, he could have sex with Hawke to protect them both. But his thief was out there, maybe carrying their baby. She was in more danger than ever, but it felt like even a worse betrayal. 

Hawke knelt, hands on the footboard, facing towards the door. Fenris entered her from behind, groaning. He was worried about getting soft and he gripped onto her hips. His markings throbbed as he thrust into her slowly.

"Harder," she ordered.

He quickened his pace, pounding into her. She cried out, moaning his name. Fenris grunted, closing his eyes. He opened them again when the door opened and Sebastian entered, utterly shocked.

"Keep going," Hawke moaned. "Let him see, let him see what he's missing."

Fenris obeyed, trying not to meet Sebastian's eyes.

"My Prince," she purred. "Don't you want me? Don't you want me on all fours, spread out for you? Or will you let him make me scream? Let him have his hands on me? Maybe I'll let him spend himself inside me. Do you want to see his seed trickling down my leg, or yours?"

Sebastian took himself in hand and Fenris thrust harder, determined to finish. She screamed out his name, arching forward. Her cries stopped and he saw her lips around Sebastian's cock, taking him deep into her. Sebastian's fingers gripped into her hair as he panted.

Sebastian withdrew and undressed, kissing Hawke sloppily. Fenris slid out of her and Sebastian thrust hard into her, gripping his nails into her skin, her breast in his hand. It did not take him long to cry out with the Maker's name, sobbing as he jutted hard into her. Hawke kissed him and pulled him down into the bed.

Sebastian started to apologize to Fenris, but Hawke pulled him in for another deep kiss. Fenris dressed and left the room, trying not to cry. He raced out of the bar and towards the Alienage. He was too upset to climb through the window, entering the front door. He managed to get to her room without waking anyone else in the house.

She sat up, lighting a candle. 

"I thought you weren't coming. Are you okay?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Did Hawke hurt you?"

Fenris told her what happened and she held him close to her. 

"I chose to do it," he murmured. "I'm so sorry."

"Was she good at least?" Tabris asked bitterly.

"I did it to-"

"I know. Protect me. Fenris...I don't know how much longer I can do this. Just...I needed you tonight. I really did and I know it's not your fault, I just...I just...did Varric tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

His face fell and he whispered, "No."

Tabris nodded. "Three months. It's getting close to my deadline to terminate, otherwise there's complications. I need to decide in the next two weeks."

Fenris asked softly, "What do you want to do?"

"I want to have this baby," she said. "I want you, all of you, without being scared of Hawke. We've got enough saved up to get to Ferelden."

"But Danarius-"

"Screw him. We can't live our entire lives afraid, Fenris. Let's go, before it's too late. Please...please my love. Do it for us."

"I've heard from Varania," Fenris admitted. "I didn't want to worry you. She's coming to Kirkwall at the end of the month. She's already left Tevinter. We'll wait until she gets here and we can leave for Seheron together. It'll be safer if we already have a place there. We'll move to Ferelden once the baby's born."

"Do you think it might be a trap?" Tabris asked.

He nodded. "But I have to take the chance."

She agreed, "One month, but we need to start preparing."

"I love you," he whispered.

He leaned in to kiss her and she hesitated.

"You smell like her," she said quietly.

He left through the window without another word.

***

Hawke did not speak to him much over the next few days, besides commanding him to follow or stay. He appreciated it. He knew he had been a pawn and he had willingly decided to participate anyways. At least it wasn't an attempt to hurt him this time.

Sebastian invited him over for lunch and apologized for his behaviour. Uncharacteristically, Fenris embraced him. They spoke no more of it.

***

On their mission to Sundermount, Fenris and Tabris made every attempt to not acknowledge the other. Varric interceded, chatting with Tabris as they climbed the mountain. She wore a looser tunic than usual, her breasts bound slightly down. Fenris could still tell the swelling of her body and prayed no one else would see the same. 

Yet around the campfire, as Tabris lowered herself down slowly, Hawke glanced up from her cooking.

"How far along are you?" She asked coolly. 

Fenris thought his heart would stop.

"Just a few months," Tabris said cheerfully. "I might have to start staying back soon, but it's been a really easy pregnancy so far."  
"I wasn't aware you were seeing anyone," Hawke commented. "Normally I would have noticed that sort of thing."

Varric put his hand on Tabris' knee and rubbed it.

"I'm a private man, Hawke," he chuckled. "Besides, have you met her old man? He's going to kill me when he finds out this happened before marrying her. We were planning on telling him this week before it got too obvious. Too late, I guess."

Tabris grinned up at him and nuzzled against him. 

Hawke laughed in surprise, "Well, congratulations, then. I never saw you as a family man, Varric. You should be sharing a tent then, let's let you take care of your little lady. Will you get your own place? I know of a few good real estate opportunities in Lowtown."

They chatted amicably and Fenris withdrew into himself. Varric had bought them time, but not much longer. And put himself in danger for whenever they ran for it. He also didn't like seeing his lover play along so easily. Not that he had any right to say anything.

He swore to himself then that he would not contact her until they were to leave. He couldn't risk it. They were both safe for now. 

***

It was Hawke who informed him that Varania had reached Kirkwall, as she had informants on every boat coming in and out of the harbour. She also feared it a trap and offered to go with him as protection. Fenris was uneasy, but he agreed. 

Yet once he crossed the threshold of the Hanged Man, Hawke tossed him on the ground. He tried to fight back as she clamped irons on his hands and ankles. He tried to phase through them but they merely glowed. 

"Hawke," he pleaded. 

Hawke stood behind him, arms crossed. Her face revealed no emotion.

Fenris looked up and saw Danarius walk down the stairs. He fought against his restraints as bodyguards dragged him forward.

"I warned you, Fenris. I warned you that if you betrayed me, I would punish you. When Danarius offered to barter for you, I decided to sweeten the deal even further."

"Where is my sister?" He asked hoarsely.  
An elven woman with a familiar face walked forward, dragging someone behind her. 

"I'm sorry, Fenris," she whispered. "I didn't know..."

Tabris pushed Varania away and tried to wrap her chains around her neck. Danarius tossed her to the ground. Tabris instinctively threw her hands down to protect her belly. Fenris fought against his binds, but could move no closer.

Danarius picked her up and Tabris spat in his face.

"Our Champion Hawke was more than happy to give up your mate and unborn child," Danarius chuckled. "I see what you like in her. Ultimately, she too was lured in by the promise of family."

"You are wasting your time, Danarius," Fenris growled. "I am no more the father to that child than you are. I have served Hawke and only her."

Danarius tilted Tabris' chin up. "Your words ring hollow, my little wolf. If you truly do not care for her, fine. I will find other uses for her and the child." 

Tabris kept her eyes down, even as she was forced to her knees. Danarius kept his hand on the back of her neck, pushing it down.

"Tell me the truth, Fenris. Is this child yours?"

"No," he whispered.

Danarius warned, "If you do not answer me truthfully, the last thing you will ever see is my hands strangling the life from her throat."

Tabris' eyes met his and she gave the slightest shake of her head.

Danarius picked her up, holding her arms above her head. She tried to kick out at him and his guards restrained her. Danarius pulled a long dagger from his cloak. 

"I imagine you know the amount of blood I will need to rip the lyrium from you," Danarius said. "I imagine she has enough in her veins. Let us test, shall we?"

Danarius slit open her arm and Tabris whimpered, closing her eyes. Fenris tried to reach out to her as her blood dripped on the ground. 

Danarius asked angrily, "Work with me, Fenris. Is the child yours?"

"Yes," Fenris sobbed. "Please, please don't hurt her."

Danarius stroked Tabris' belly. "I must admit, I am surprised. I thought the procedure would make you sterile. This is something we must explore more back in Tevinter."

"Let her go," Fenris begged. "I'll go with you, I won't fight, just let her live."

"And give up my only sample of your lineage? I'll let her live once she's whelped your child. I'll have no need for her then. Not when you can bred to much more interesting subjects."

Fenris fought against his binds, but it was no use. 

Tabris slumped forward and a guard let her drop to her knees. She put pressure on the arm and glared up at Hawke. 

"What did you get out of this, Serah?" Tabris asked bitterly. 

"Money, power, revenge, it doesn't matter," Hawke said with a shrug. "I keep my promises, unlike your lover. Fenris betrayed my trust. I owe him nothing."

Fenris stood and walked towards Danarius, slowly, his feet dragging. His eyes met his love's before he knelt down before his former master.

"Let her go," Fenris pleaded. 

Tabris struck out with her unharmed hand, hitting the guard beside her in the knee. She kicked at the other and rose quickly, grabbing their sword. She cut through them and grabbed a rod, tossing it to Varania. Varania pointed it at Fenris. Suddenly his bonds stopped glowing.

Fenris grabbed Danarius and crushed his heart in his hands. Tabris tossed Fenris her sword, knocking out another guard for his. The patrons of the bar ran from the basement, fighting back. Fenris kept his back to Tabris', both protecting the other. 

The other Tevinter slavers dispersed and Tabris knelt again, clutching her arm. Varania healed her as Fenris gasped.

"It's okay," Tabris promised. "She's on our side. You're not the only one in your family serving assholes."

Fenris looked up, but Hawke was gone.

"Stay with her," Fenris said. 

He ran out the tavern and into the streets. He saw Hawke from afar and chased her down. She ran down a passageway and he tossed himself at her, knocking her to the ground. He drew his sword and held it at her throat.

"Do it then," she growled. "Kill me. I know you can't. You've always been a coward, Fenris. Weak. You could have had everything with me, you could have-"

Fenris said coolly, "You will never touch me or my family again. If you do, I will slay you myself. Do not contact me, do not acknowledge me. You are not a part of my world any longer, Hawke. The last time Master who tried to claim me died with my hand in his chest. Remember that."

He let her up and to his surprise, she ran. He stood there for a time before turning around and going back to the Tavern.

***

It was strange, living in the Alienage after being in Hightown for so long. But it felt right. It felt safe.

Fenris had bought them a little place not far from the rest of her family. They managed to move in before his thief was too far along in her pregnancy. Now not working for Hawke, neither had a lot of money, but Varric suggested that Tabris become a locksmith's apprentice. She would start her training once she had recovered from the baby's birth. Fenris had seen enough fighting and dying. He was content for now to stay home with his child.

It would be a lie if he said he never thought of Hawke. He did every day. He thought of things she had said, the lines of her face. All with a mixture of love and loathing. It was hard to express, never mind feel. 

But his wife understood.

They had been married as soon as possible, just privately in their own home. It had been mainly to make Cyrion happy, but Fenris found himself oddly moved by the ceremony. He had a family now and the love of a truly good woman. It did not fix everything. His body still hurt. The memories lingered. But it felt lighter.


End file.
